What’s a little trashy TV without a whole lot of mess?
And a mess is what you found on the first half of the Before the 90 Days: 90 Day Fiance Tell-All that brought some of the season’s couples and their friends together to spill all the details.
Many of the couples reunited, and we found out who stuck things out and which couples didn’t last in a special quarantine version of a reunion.
From Big Ed to Baby Girl Lisa, and 90 Day Fiance veteran, Darcey, it was two-hours chocked full of pure, unadulterated entertainment.
It was a crazy season, and there was plenty to go over during the first half of the reunion special.
Check out some of the highlights below.
Avery and Ash Are On a Break
Are we surprised by this? No way. Nothing good could come from this pairing when the Australian-African Ash is lowkey allergic to the truth and has a Ph.D. in sexism.
Of course, Avery, who seemed like she had a chat with good old Mary Jane before she joined the 90 Day zoom call had that bad habit of dragging her past relationships into her new one.
Ash’s lying, playboy vibe, and sexism combined with her badgering, emotional baggage, and trust issues did not a happy couple make. Who’s surprised? No one.
Avery Broke Up with Ash over a Diet
Ash is a liar and a cheater. Awful, right? Except his cheating was on a diet. What?
Let those of us who haven’t sprinkled doughnut holes on our kale salad cast the first stone.
Baby Girl Lisa is a Scam Expert
Knowledge is a superpower, and apparently, Lisa has a gift for spotting Nigerian scammers. Why? Because 300 men have propositioned her via Yahoo.
Now, we’re not saying the only way she’s getting that much spam is because of her time spent searching for Nigerian men on dating sites — we’re typing it instead.
Who had Lisa schooling Yolanda on social media scamming on their 2020 Bingo card?
Yolanda Still Doesn’t Think Williams is Scamming Her
For starters, we found out that Williams is not British based on a grainy message he left in which he sounded the opposite of British and not at all like, you know, a Nigerian scammer.
As it stands, Jesus himself could descend from Heaven and enlist Nev’s help in convincingYolanda that Williams is catfishing her, and she probably still won’t believe. You hate to see it.
David Thinks Yolanda is Gullible
Let’s all take a moment to laugh our asses off that David, of all people, thinks Yolanda is dumb for believing that Williams exists.
David, who had to hire an entire private investigator to track down Lana, a woman who is probably still on some Russian site getting money out of men like David.
Usan is the King of Saying What Everyone is Thinking
Is it polite to call Yolanda an idiot for falling for Williams’ bullcrap given all the details of their supposed relationship? No.
But Usan isn’t interested in being polite. He’s all about being real.
Rose Had a Girlfriend
After her experience with the likes of Big Ed, Rose went in a totally different direction and is now happily in a relationship with a woman who probably doesn’t tell her she smells.
Kudos Rose. Happy Pride.
And shame on Ed for thinking this grand announcement was supposed to make Rose look bad. It only made him look worse.
Ed Is Willing to Give Up his Relationship with his Daughter (Again) For Rose
That awkward moment when Tiffany had to find out via the zoom call from hell that her father with no provocation offered to ruin his relationship with his daughter if it meant he could be with Rose.
Sir, what? Guess who probably isn’t getting anything for Father’s Day this year? It’s what he deserves.
The Internet’s latest meme king had some less than desirable moments, and everyone joined in on the Big Ed evisceration. They dragged the pint-sized pissant from his mayonnaise conditioned follicles to his dainty toenails.
Rose’s Wrath
Rose had so much she wanted to get off her chest, she requested a translator who didn’t seem to know what the hell was going on and was always a full minute behind.
Have we ever seen Rose this angry before? It’s doubtful. But she laid it on thick, spilled all the secrets, and even some fake tears, and she became the night’s meme goldmine.
Ed Offered Rose Money for a Sex Video Call
Her body hair wasn’t so offputting that he didn’t want to see her in the nude, and video calls meant there was no need to present her the gift of toothpaste and mouthwash as if they were diamonds.
The Americans and Europeans are Lowkey A$$holes
Sometimes people like the idea of a culture more than the reality of it. The Americans and Tom had a jolly good laugh at Rose’s living conditions and lifestyle in the Phillippines.
Don’t you love the smell of first-world privilege in the morning?
Gaslighting, Thy Name is Stephanie
Stephanie continued to be the absolute worst, proving that she didn’t have a bad edit all this time, she really is that insufferable.
Remember when Stephanie flipped out over Erica having apps on her phone?
It turns out Stephanie also had apps and inappropriate messages of all these folks sliding up in her DM’s while she was banshee shrieking at Stephanie for using apps for networking.
Erica Ate Her Wheaties
The Internet’s bright-haired bisexual darling must’ve eaten her Wheaties and drank some liquid courage.
In the most satisfying moments of the tell-all, she finally called Stephanie out on her terrible behavior and left her speechless and sputtering like a fish out of water.
Erica brought us all the juicy facts and details of their relationship and Stephanie’s annoying behavior, and she held her own. #TeamErica
Stephanie Was An Exotic Dancer
The uptight, judgmental, and uber-conservative Stephanie used to be an exotic dancer, which is one more thing she never shared with Erica whilst accusing the other woman of keeping secrets from her.
So you mean all that time she spent criticizing Erica for her clothing or lack of modesty makes her a hypocrite? Oy vey.
“If You Watched My YouTube Videos”
When confronted with how Stephanie is a different person than how she presents online, Stephanie said Erica should’ve watched that one YouTube video in a sea of hundreds of them where she explained that one time that she’s not promiscuous or something.
YouTube vlogs are like school plays. If you think your loved one sits through the whole thing, you’re deluding yourself. Sorry.
Wanting your girlfriend to learn everything about you via your vlog instead of having an actual conversation? #MillennialProblems
“Because I’m Italian!”
Stephanie scrounged up some friends for the tell-all special, and they made it their mission to yell at Stephanie the whole time for being a terrible girlfriend even though they never met her.
Unfortunately, it hurt Stephanie more than helped her, since their comments often conflicted with hers, and her one friend admitted that she was only yelling because she’s Italian? And also that she’s angry about quarantine?
You and the rest of the globe, lady.
Hopefully, their five minutes of fame are up.
“I’m Talking to the (Wo)man in the Mirror!”
To conclude the neverending Stephanie and Erica session where the two bickered on, we got to watch Stephanie publicly berate Erica in front of everyone by accusing her of being self-absorbed, narcissist, and attention-seeking.
Um, was Stephanie describing Erica or herself? Nevermind. And in case you missed hearing Stephanie talking about her illness, she brought up at least five more times. Hopefully, you’re not taking shots for that. Please, drink responsibly.
Tom is a Tool Who Has Jokes
The debonair Tom wants to be on TV as much as Darcey, so they deserve each other. He was the jokester and shade thrower of the evening.
Was he awful? Yes. Did he also elicit a few chuckles? Also, yes.
Darcey’s Revenge
Darcey’s revenge includes a new body, and face, and hair. Do we expect anything less from a woman who wore an evening gown to a zoom conference call in her living room?
Are we yay or nay on Darcey’s latest look?
Tom Would’ve Dumped Shannon for Darcey if the Lunch Went Well
According to Tom, he would’ve dumped Shannon — the woman he was seeing while dating or whatever Darcey, for Darcey if their lunch had gone well.
So, yeah, Tom is trash.
Avery’s Diet Includes Beef (with Tom) That She’s Not Trying to Squash
And to leave things on a cliffhanger, we find out that Tom and Avery have an issue with each other.
Who knew the biggest catfight of the night would be between Tom and Avery, and what in bloody hell is with the animosity between them? Whatever it is, Tom hung up the zoom call.
Dammit, we need all the details.
Did you watch the special? What are your thoughts on this madness? HIt the comments below, Reality Fanatics!
Jasmine Blu is a senior staff writer for TV Fanatic. Follow her on Twitter.